FAIL (Do’s and Don’ts of Trying to Talk to a Woman in the Club)

Ok, that is it! First off, while I think it's utterly ridiculous to try to "mack", "holla" or any variation of "meet" a person inside the club, men insist on giving this a try. Ladies, you know it's true. He's been peeping you from his side of the club, danced with you for three songs or has even offered to buy you a drink. This is fine, the problem comes with trying to "extend" the evening. Fellas, I'm talking to you if you've EVER gone up to a woman and asked any of the following questions while Young Jeezy, T.I. or Beyonce was playing in the background; "What do you do", "What are you doing after this", "Where are you from" "Where is your man".

I've personally been privy to this for almost a decade; it doesn't seem to be going away. So, let's make this as painless as possible. There are certain things that are an automatic turn off, if we can agree to get rid of the following things, there may be more comfortability involved for all parties and who knows, you may even get her number.

1. Ask her NAME. Sounds simple right? You'd be surprised how many conversations start with "So…are you enjoying yourself" and are followed by "Maybe we can exchange numbers and talk a little later". Seriously? Is this before or after we make up names for each other? I'll call you "Club Guy" and you can call me "Lil Mama"? Asking my name gives me the idea (whether true or not) that you are interested in ME. Also makes me feel like you're not a complete stranger…which you are. Now, there is a catch…she's probably going to want to know your name too. Let's avoid aliases; "Pooky", "G", "Duece" etc. If your name is Benjamin, introducing yourself as "Ben" is fine, if your name is Douglass introducing yourself as "D-Money"…not so much.
   
2. Avoid lengthy conversation. Here's a secret, there is nothing worse than a guy interrupting our "Beyonce Moment". That's when "Upgrade U", "Ego", "Single Ladies" or any other female-anthem-like song plays and we come together in comradeship to relish in this moment. What's worse than the interruption, is you coming over to ask "Whether I'm enjoying myself". This question is stupid as mere observation can answer it and we're more than likely thinking…"I was before you interrupted me". If, for whatever reason, you can not wait until the club ends, make your entrance and exit quick and brief. If we don't hint that we should go to a more quiet place, we're not trying to engage in lengthy discourse with you. Now is not the time to discuss your collegiate dissertation. And please, let's agree to avoid questions such as; "Where do you live/stay", "Where'd you park", "Where's your man""What do you do", it's just creepy. State your name, state your business and move around.
   
3. Keep your hands to YOURSELF! Most women with a healthy self esteem don't want your hands all over their bodies. We can stand to go clearer. If we don't know you, it's not okay for you to touch our behinds, rub our thighs, play in our hair or any other perverse affection that is unwarranted, in whole, because we DON'T KNOW YOU. Full body hugs as your opener…are also your closer. Don't do it. The often unavoidable pull of the arm in your direction, less disturbing but still inappropriate. Seriously, for one moment guys picture this, a woman walks up to you in the club and puts one arm around your waist and pulls your face close to hers so she can talk to you. While, you might enjoy her forwardness, if she turns and does the same thing to three other guys, you're going to feel a little creeped out. All this unwanted PDA stakes claim, and we are NOT together. (Not to mention, if I turn you down, I still want the cute dude I was eying to holla at me later) Play it safe; keep your hands to yourself.
   

I could go on, but I'll spare you. Remember, if you just can't wait until the party ends and music dies down, introduce yourself, keep it brief, and keep your hands to yourself and in return we'll try to take you seriously. Anything else is a fail; I mean, sure you'll be on our mind later but as a firm reminder why we don't give our number to men we meet at the club. Surely that's not what you want.